Book review of The Purpose of Getting Lost: A Story of Finding Myself
by Tracy Smith
2026, 264 pages
As I read The Purpose of Getting Lost: A Story of Finding Myself by Tracy Smith, I couldn’t help but think that in many ways, this is every woman’s story. Don’t we all face change when our children grow up, we move beyond middle age, and perhaps there are other shifts in our lives? Career change, our parents’ growing older…. We realize that what’s most important to us or what we want may be different as well. Many women, even those with demanding careers, have lived their lives for their families, their communities, and for all the people they have felt responsible to and for. When those people shift, women often must also.
In Smith’s case, the contemplative feelings arrive with the unraveling of her marriage. That significant loss influences the tried-and-true structure of her life. The stability she hadn’t questioned begins to crumble. The identity she had long felt comfortable with begins to dissolve. Smith was no longer the roles she inhabited … but wasn’t sure yet who she would become.
In her travels to unfamiliar places, she encounters different ways of living and being. Even the architecture and emotional feel of the cities becomes a teacher. A widening perspective on how people endure and what’s important to them stirs questions about how she has lived. Smith’s attitudes about duty and love loosen and shift.
Leaning into new experiences in new places, Smith finds herself looking at life with new eyes—as if awakening after a long sleep. Although some of the travels bring discomfort, Smith remains open to what she can learn and how she can grow. As a result, she is transformed.
In my work as a life coach for more than two decades, I’ve seen hundreds of people face significant loss or life disruption that leads them to seek change. Witnessing their growth is a privilege—and requires patience. While an aha moment may lead to a breakthrough, real change, the kind that leads mature people back to themselves in ways they’ve forgotten or set aside, is never immediate. Smith’s book captures that reality. As she reclaims parts of herself that had been overshadowed by responsibility and expectation, she tells the story of many women who reach a stage of giving back—to themselves.
One thing I enjoyed about this memoir was the ability to armchair travel. Readers will journey alongside Smith as she experiences cultures and people. Perhaps as you join Smith on her travels, you’ll find more of yourself just as she does. As women grow older and seek new meaning, their shifts in interest and growth into new relevance don’t diminish the purpose, joy, and meaning they found in earlier parts of their lives. But all people must grow, or we diminish ourselves.
I’ll let a passage of Smith’s book speak to significant change and how we not only cope but embrace it. She says, “I am a woman who emerged from unraveling and called it transformation. Who played by the rules until they broke me and then had the courage to rewrite my story. Who loved, and led, and mothered, and then led, and loved fiercely—and then asked: What else is possible for me?”
In my work with so many estranged mothers who fiercely loved, led, and were left heartbroken, yet picked up the pieces and moved forward with renewed strength, vigor, and a zest for living while they still could, Smith’s story felt familiar and true.